I remember. 2 small words. Ok, one small and one big one. I remember. Pretty straight forward, nothing complex about that statement … until you stitch two additional words into the sentence.
I remember your son.
The warmth that spreads through my chest when it happens is like no other. I remember your son.
Sadly, it happens less than you think and over time has dwindled to very infrequent. I understand. I don’t like it but I understand. We have learned, most don’t know what to say or feel the act of remembering (and sharing) will invite pain that does not appear to be there in that moment. I don’t begrudge you for it … mostly. (Ok, I had to be honest there because it does irk me. Mainly because I don’t get to talk about him as much as I would like. Truth be told again, it will probably never amount to anything near what I would like.)
I am happy to tell you this weekend I was treated to THREE different women who talked to me about my sweet Declan. Three people within a short 24 hour period introduced themselves to me and said, I remember your son. It was like winning the lottery (By the way God, Stan and I are serious … half the money we win in the mega, crazy, you’ll never win but why not try lottery is going straight to childhood cancer research. Who are we kidding, it doesn’t matter how much we win, it gets half. Just sayin’.) But I digress.
I know people remember but too few bother to mention him. I also don’t want to force this on those around me just because I wrote about it (unless you want to chat about Declan than I’m all yours!) but I cannot begin to tell you how awesome it made me feel. Maybe because it’s been awhile or maybe because it’s March and March is hard because it’s the month our lives changed forever or maybe because I miss him with every beat of my heart or maybe because Cole plays so good by himself and my heart breaks for what might have been between them (I’m also not delusional enough to think they wouldn’t be throwing rocks at each other and screaming, MoooOOOOoooommmmmmm he’s touching me!)
I think that’s why it hurts to think people don’t remember because it’s all we have left. Those 357 days and the memories of those days … only to be shared once as a complete family unit.
So thank you to those 3 lovely souls who helped to fill mine up again. Four simple words that made a Mommy’s heart smile.