Reflections

As the minutes tick away on this Mother’s Day 2012, I am overwhelmed with thoughts. For myself, it has been a struggle. Today is a day to celebrate and remember the Mother’s in our lives so of course I have spent time today celebrating the Mother’s in my life (my own Mommy is top of the list, of course!) who have helped shape the Mother I have become.

Whether I learned their lessons as a little girl holding onto the wise, weathered hand of my Grandmothers or as a young adult learning the ropes of life through the lives I witnessed around me…Mother, Sister(in-law), Aunt, Friend, Grandmother, Cousin…and even as the tears fell freely from my adult eyes, pooling onto the blouse draped across my Mom’s shoulder, knowing some of life’s lessons are not meant to be understood. I realize I have been blessed. I have been blessed to know and be loved by some truly amazing Mom’s. The gifts which have been shared with me, whether you realized it or now, have impacted me. They are woven into my soul.

These events, whether trivial or monumental, would have occurred in some way because I exist. But one thing in my life would never have happened were it not for 4 amazing reasons…1) Will, 2) Brady, 3) Declan and 4) Cole. That thing? Motherhood. I was blessed to be given the honor of being their Mom. Think about that for a second, the stars aligned and in an instant, I became a Mom. I mean, how cool is that and how lucky am I?

That’s the root of it. I feel incredibly honored (even though exhausted…even exhasperated some days) to get to walk these shoes of mine…
…the joy of welcoming a bubbly blonde headed whirlwind into my world
…the moment of realization that he was ok with me being his Mom…what an honor
…through the years of wanting and praying for the experience
…to the joyous sight of the little blue line
…hearing your heartbeat
…to the realization, that funny fluttering feeling in my tummy…was you
…the pre-birth chats and walks
…hearing, “It’s a boy!” and seeing your face for the first time
…the daily grind…puhlease stop teasing him
…the daily joys…”Mommy, I’m glad you’re my Mommy.” (insert pride filled, watery eye Mommy here)
…horrible discoveries and the sleepless days and nights to follow
…squeezing in the fun
…letting go for the last time
…holding on harder than ever before
…enjoying the little things more because in the end, they are the big things

I’m a Mom…I’m their Mom. I hate (with ever fiber of my being) some of the cards I was dealt as a Mommy but I have been enriched in so many amazing ways by having been given the honor.

So tonight, I’m sad for what I lost and thrilled for what I have. I have 4 amazing boys. It’s not conventional, it’s not how I dreamed it (at all) but in the end, I am blessed. I am their Mommy.

I love you, Will.
I love you, Brady.
I love you, Declan.
I love you, Cole.

You are my dreams come true.